A drop of ketchup fell onto my chest, staining my shirt. It was the same sweatshirt I had worn almost every day, and as I watched the stain form a few inches below the collar, I knew I'd wear it again tomorrow, whether or not the stain was still there. I had tears in my eyes, and fought my hardest to hold them back. It was just a small spot, but it felt like a bullseye with a big neon arrow, directing everyone attention to me and the mess I was.
The bell rang and I grabbed my things as quickly as possible, trying to disappear in the crowd now emptying from the lunchroom into the hallways.
"Hey! Panda! Wait up!" a friend called after me.
I looked over my shoulder and debated not stopping, but she caught up with me before I could pretend to ignore her request
She looked at me and knew something was wrong, even if she couldn't tell exactly what. But instead of trying, she just smiled and walked me to class.
And it was exactly what I needed, even if I didn't know at the time.
"Hey! Panda! Wait up!" a friend called after me.
I looked over my shoulder and debated not stopping, but she caught up with me before I could pretend to ignore her request
She looked at me and knew something was wrong, even if she couldn't tell exactly what. But instead of trying, she just smiled and walked me to class.
And it was exactly what I needed, even if I didn't know at the time.
This post was inspired by a prompt at The Red Dress Club - RemembeRED: Finding Beauty in Awkwardness. Think back to your own adolescence. With the perspective of time, try to find the beauty or grace in an awkward adolescent situation, even if there is only a sliver to find.
What an extraordinary friend. Without judging (which is so common in high school) just just extended the same kind of friendship you had always known, and what you needed at that moment. She used a nickname you hopefully enjoyed (I can see Amanda-Panda going either way) and made you feel a little less outcast in a moment when you were feeling least acceptable.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet and perceptive friend!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's name is Amanda, too. When she was little we called her Panda. Her high school friends called her "A Man, Duh?" and she hated it. Why, oh, why do kids do it?
Alone in the lunch room. I cringed, as I have been there before. I'm wondering what made you so silent when only the year before you had been outgoing?
ReplyDeleteI love hearing about good friends like this one.
Gorgeous piece. The image of your young self in that lunchroom is visceral and arresting.
ReplyDeleteThe stain is so compelling...a symbol for all that marked you during that time.
And the grace of that friendship! Stunning.
This was beautifully written. The crowded table at the lunch room, the stain, the knowledge you'd wear it stained the next day, the one friend taking a step...
ReplyDeleteIt made me wonder, though, what happened?
Thanks for stopping by my blog! As a former English teacher, I would have loved to have had you as a student- beautiful writing. : )
ReplyDelete